Being ambiguous relieves us of responsibility and accountability. They can have their cake and eat it to because they’re not in a relationship with you.If they were, going out with others would be a no-no while being expected to plan and pay for dates with you would be a yes-yes.I’ve had many conversations with men about the expense attached to dating. Some are cheap, some don’t have it, many are tired of dating scams (I’ll address this in a later post) and others have it and want to hold on to it. If you’re dating someone and they’re interested in marrying you, they propose.Its also a way for them to hold on to you while they see what else, if anything is out there. They don’t assume that because you all have been kickin’ it for two years that marriage is the next step.This adds to the sense that love is risky, and that being vague can prevent painful loss.Ambiguity seems to offer emotional safety—perceived, not real, that is.
Apps like Tinder and others create fertile ground for ambiguity.I don’t know about you but I don’t want to end up in a relationship by default. They ask then wait for an answer all the while hoping to God you say yes.The same ought to happen if you’ve been spending a considerable amount of time with someone you like.In another paper coauthored with colleagues, I argued that such people want to limit closeness and obligation, so they resist increasing the level of commitment in the relationship.They especially may limit the degree of clarity about commitment because that can heighten their insecurity, which is based in deep-seated uncertainty about stability in relationships.Adults benefit from security in love, and children thrive when they feel secure in the love of their parents.